... juxtapose the imposition and realize the subject is in the midst of transition ...

i can't remember those nights when i just crawled into bed and fell asleep

 

i forget what really good sleep is

 

i am in the place now where i have all the lists of things to do to help relax the insomniac though i feel very anti-do-these-things not wanting to commit to any regimen or itinerary to induce sleep

 

i don't want to be pushed into a group because i know all the reasons i started to lose sleep and why i don't get into bed at a usual time

 

i think about lately why i left my old and trusted and much loved blogging site and i think somehow i felt too much pressure there to perform the act of blogging which became tedious and nearly burdensome

 

how many times can you blog about your day-to-day then recieve replies then get this silent, wordy applause for writing skills after producing well written little bits when all you really want to do is type out your day and your difficulties and vent it out of yourself

 

the things i want to write about are boring and not very interesting but feel good to get out even if i want to repeat myself

 

i feel lousy about my face breaking out due to the physical stress of not sleeping well or not sleeping in long enough stretches to get good rest

 

i feel lousy about my hair loss

 

i feel lousy about itchy eyes

 

but i feel great about so many other things that i am dealing with having to put make-up on my face to cover the breakouts that aren't acne but hard bumps that eventually go down flat but then have this hard patch that wants to be picked off so the make-up won't go funny over it

 

it all sounds as i think it very shallow but i love having good skin

 

i love sleeping too

 

past novelties missed and yearned for like first love