... juxtapose the imposition and realize the subject is in the midst of transition ...

last night the dreamiest thing was walking down the pebbled-cement-stone walkway around the side of gerard's wing

 

all the little lizards would scamper away and i kept stepping along slowly so i could hear the scampering ensue

 

step scamper step scamper

 

more times than not the lizards would run into the underbrush that sits in clumps around the outside of this house

 

the lizards would run into old leaves under there and crunch the dead stuff making me feel really happy

 

a light but insistent southern florida night-breeze went along with me

 

i let my thoughts run around the fact that i was packing a nice chunk of blue metal while the lizard thing was unfolding

 

for some reason then i felt like everything was going to be okay

 

i don't necessarily like going to florida as the company isn't always good but there are these pockets of wonderment that give me the feeling of being very young

 

simple things like being a grown human being who is enjoying little lizards scampering into the brush

 

looking up at the sky knowing there is no moon but wanting to see the clouds drift along anyway

 

i have this deep down inside love of life and all the experiences that have been mine

 

so much love, surprise, wonderment, good fortune and knowledge

 

there are so many sides that walking along in that night air nothing really seemed to matter but knowing that somewhere near a child slept or laughed

 

and that the child loved me most likely more than any other person at this time in his life

 

he doesn't know about anything that has to do with me but that he is the newest central point in my universe

 

i share the love i have for him with no one

 

i know what recoil feels like as it travels a steady hum along the lines of my bones upward to the joint in my shoulder and i know how to lift slightly to let it move without harming the hinges there

 

but i haven't figured out yet why life is so sweet, why love at times gives me thoughts along the lines that i will endure and accept the most hideously painful death if only his own is 100 years away, peaceful and without an ounce of discomfort

 

lizards scamper and the next day i take him out to see

 

little feet on the pebbled cement

 

little hand in mine

 

it is all life really is and all it will ever mean to me from here on out